Tuesday, April 17, 2018

After 3 years...

After 3 years...thing have certainly change..

Things which once used to be...is no longer the same as now...
Friendship i used to have, may or may not change...but it just no longer the same as in the past anymore...

I used to thought things will last as what it is supposed to be now...but as i grew older...the things changes is more unexpected than you think it will remain...
Once the things/situation changes, it change more drastically than previously...

Changes can be good or bad..depend how you see it..
For me, at least the changes is better than i expected...
Less regret, more certain, in the choices i have made...

Although, there are also sadness in the progress but mainly happiness i think...

The choice i made where i broke up with my 5 years ex...was an unexpected choice. But this choice, i gain more happiness, where i don't regret, which i firstly thought i will...

Now with the little one, although this is a huge changes and surprises but still i am not regret...

As I dont post regularly, this place is the only place where i can vent all my thoughts, anger and emotion over here.

As I said, previously, i only have guilt towards you, but I think now we are even, isnt it?

Of course I am not a good person in the first place. I am just a judgemental human afterall, but no one is perfect right?

I am a judgemental person who will judge people based on my feeling, but of course those feeling will change after I communicate with the person.

But of course my opinion of you are a very good person. But now, I think you are not the person I used to know anymore.

I know you hate me, but I really never thought you will bad mouth of me in my back.
I not sure what you told your friends, but now i know you have been bad mouthing me, my guilt towards you have gone.
I not sure what have you told my friend that they just ignore me, but I guess your revenge have succeed in a way.

But no worries, no matter how you want to defeat me, i am always a winner.
Cause i gain true happiness, unlike you, the person who stuck in the past of darkness.

Monday, April 16, 2018

The person who is different in the past

Probably the last post i will post about that person.
There probably be a time that i do have feeling for you, but now only guilt left.
Thus, from this post onward, i will forgive, accept and forget whatever things which happen to us.
I really do hope that we can be friend like we use to be, but i know it is quite impossible and i am sure, things wont get back to the same as it use to be.

I remembered in the past, there is a time you wouldn't mind to come all the way from your home to mine.
Although, my house wasn't too far away from yours, but it still required a 15mins bus trip.
I remember that you came to my house and go school with me. Not everyone can do that, but at least you did it.
At my saddest moment, you are there to lend me your shoulder. I remember there is a time, i cried and cried, but you comfort me without saying anything. But you are there for me.
To me, you are really the only person i can depend on.
You use your money to treat me to all the nice food. You spend most of your allowance to treat me eat nice food.
Although you never brought me flowers on valentine or birthday, but at least on some occasion, you tried to do some handmade origami.

We fought, we quarrel, but you are the first one who say sorry to me.
But i realize as times go, we are still at the same level.
I think we got use to each other as time past.
When we are in the relationship, i never really thought of leaving you even though i knew you were not the person i will marry to.
To be true, i never thought of marrying you. Never thought we will have the happy ending like fairy tale.

No one is perfect, so are we.
I remembered there is a few times you gave in to me...
I remembered there is a time where i feel hungry, i told you and hoping you can buy food for me, but your answer is no. We quarrel because of this but you end up gave in.
There is a time where i wish you could send me home, and you said no. After quarreling with you again, you gave in.
A few times, we quarreled because you never answer you phone when i called.
There is so much more things about us but i know can hardly remembered.

I not sure from where i am not the same person i used to be, but i swear, before i broke up with you, i am not in the relationship with other people till we broke up. I know when thinking whether we should break up that period, i do have a 2nd heart, but before i broke with you, my 2nd heart is already gone.

Actually i now regret that when we broke up, we never broke up in a peaceful manner.
I don't have any hate towards you, only guilt.
I know you somehow hate me, which is OK.

Now i feel that you are in a good relationship with one of my friend, which is good. I think she let you becoming a person who is caring.
Your action to me is now different compared to her.
I can see you are willing to do things which you are not willing to do to me.
Now i wished you can treat her even better den you treat me.
She is really a good person, even though she is not close to me now.
May both of you have a happy ending like what i am having now.
It ok that we may not be friends again but at least i know you are happy. :)

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Just need a place to put my thoughts in






Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Random thoughts

Having project like any other poly. Do not have much holiday either.
Kinda reject for choosing some member in group but well, what is done is done. I cant really do much either.

Have so much to say but too lazy to type out.
Much to surprise i doesnt want to complain anymore, for now i guess.

Still wondering why we a

Re in this world though, maybe i will never understand why too.

Shall continue working hard to live in this world. Maybe will learn to judge less, but still, i think it is quite impossible.

Will try not to give attitude either but still i wont go mercy on people who i dun like.

That all for my random thoughts.