After 3 years...thing have certainly change..
Things which once used to be...is no longer the same as now...
Friendship i used to have, may or may not change...but it just no longer the same as in the past anymore...
I used to thought things will last as what it is supposed to be now...but as i grew older...the things changes is more unexpected than you think it will remain...
Once the things/situation changes, it change more drastically than previously...
Changes can be good or bad..depend how you see it..
For me, at least the changes is better than i expected...
Less regret, more certain, in the choices i have made...
Although, there are also sadness in the progress but mainly happiness i think...
The choice i made where i broke up with my 5 years ex...was an unexpected choice. But this choice, i gain more happiness, where i don't regret, which i firstly thought i will...
Now with the little one, although this is a huge changes and surprises but still i am not regret...
Tuesday, April 17, 2018
As I dont post regularly, this place is the only place where i can vent all my thoughts, anger and emotion over here.
As I said, previously, i only have guilt towards you, but I think now we are even, isnt it?
Of course I am not a good person in the first place. I am just a judgemental human afterall, but no one is perfect right?
I am a judgemental person who will judge people based on my feeling, but of course those feeling will change after I communicate with the person.
But of course my opinion of you are a very good person. But now, I think you are not the person I used to know anymore.
I know you hate me, but I really never thought you will bad mouth of me in my back.
I not sure what you told your friends, but now i know you have been bad mouthing me, my guilt towards you have gone.
I not sure what have you told my friend that they just ignore me, but I guess your revenge have succeed in a way.
But no worries, no matter how you want to defeat me, i am always a winner.
Cause i gain true happiness, unlike you, the person who stuck in the past of darkness.
As I said, previously, i only have guilt towards you, but I think now we are even, isnt it?
Of course I am not a good person in the first place. I am just a judgemental human afterall, but no one is perfect right?
I am a judgemental person who will judge people based on my feeling, but of course those feeling will change after I communicate with the person.
But of course my opinion of you are a very good person. But now, I think you are not the person I used to know anymore.
I know you hate me, but I really never thought you will bad mouth of me in my back.
I not sure what you told your friends, but now i know you have been bad mouthing me, my guilt towards you have gone.
I not sure what have you told my friend that they just ignore me, but I guess your revenge have succeed in a way.
But no worries, no matter how you want to defeat me, i am always a winner.
Cause i gain true happiness, unlike you, the person who stuck in the past of darkness.
Monday, April 16, 2018
The person who is different in the past
Probably the last post i will post about that person.
There probably be a time that i do have feeling for you, but now only guilt left.
Thus, from this post onward, i will forgive, accept and forget whatever things which happen to us.
I really do hope that we can be friend like we use to be, but i know it is quite impossible and i am sure, things wont get back to the same as it use to be.
I remembered in the past, there is a time you wouldn't mind to come all the way from your home to mine.
Although, my house wasn't too far away from yours, but it still required a 15mins bus trip.
I remember that you came to my house and go school with me. Not everyone can do that, but at least you did it.
At my saddest moment, you are there to lend me your shoulder. I remember there is a time, i cried and cried, but you comfort me without saying anything. But you are there for me.
To me, you are really the only person i can depend on.
You use your money to treat me to all the nice food. You spend most of your allowance to treat me eat nice food.
Although you never brought me flowers on valentine or birthday, but at least on some occasion, you tried to do some handmade origami.
We fought, we quarrel, but you are the first one who say sorry to me.
But i realize as times go, we are still at the same level.
I think we got use to each other as time past.
When we are in the relationship, i never really thought of leaving you even though i knew you were not the person i will marry to.
To be true, i never thought of marrying you. Never thought we will have the happy ending like fairy tale.
No one is perfect, so are we.
I remembered there is a few times you gave in to me...
I remembered there is a time where i feel hungry, i told you and hoping you can buy food for me, but your answer is no. We quarrel because of this but you end up gave in.
There is a time where i wish you could send me home, and you said no. After quarreling with you again, you gave in.
A few times, we quarreled because you never answer you phone when i called.
There is so much more things about us but i know can hardly remembered.
I not sure from where i am not the same person i used to be, but i swear, before i broke up with you, i am not in the relationship with other people till we broke up. I know when thinking whether we should break up that period, i do have a 2nd heart, but before i broke with you, my 2nd heart is already gone.
Actually i now regret that when we broke up, we never broke up in a peaceful manner.
I don't have any hate towards you, only guilt.
I know you somehow hate me, which is OK.
Now i feel that you are in a good relationship with one of my friend, which is good. I think she let you becoming a person who is caring.
Your action to me is now different compared to her.
I can see you are willing to do things which you are not willing to do to me.
Now i wished you can treat her even better den you treat me.
She is really a good person, even though she is not close to me now.
May both of you have a happy ending like what i am having now.
It ok that we may not be friends again but at least i know you are happy. :)
There probably be a time that i do have feeling for you, but now only guilt left.
Thus, from this post onward, i will forgive, accept and forget whatever things which happen to us.
I really do hope that we can be friend like we use to be, but i know it is quite impossible and i am sure, things wont get back to the same as it use to be.
I remembered in the past, there is a time you wouldn't mind to come all the way from your home to mine.
Although, my house wasn't too far away from yours, but it still required a 15mins bus trip.
I remember that you came to my house and go school with me. Not everyone can do that, but at least you did it.
At my saddest moment, you are there to lend me your shoulder. I remember there is a time, i cried and cried, but you comfort me without saying anything. But you are there for me.
To me, you are really the only person i can depend on.
You use your money to treat me to all the nice food. You spend most of your allowance to treat me eat nice food.
Although you never brought me flowers on valentine or birthday, but at least on some occasion, you tried to do some handmade origami.
We fought, we quarrel, but you are the first one who say sorry to me.
But i realize as times go, we are still at the same level.
I think we got use to each other as time past.
When we are in the relationship, i never really thought of leaving you even though i knew you were not the person i will marry to.
To be true, i never thought of marrying you. Never thought we will have the happy ending like fairy tale.
No one is perfect, so are we.
I remembered there is a few times you gave in to me...
I remembered there is a time where i feel hungry, i told you and hoping you can buy food for me, but your answer is no. We quarrel because of this but you end up gave in.
There is a time where i wish you could send me home, and you said no. After quarreling with you again, you gave in.
A few times, we quarreled because you never answer you phone when i called.
There is so much more things about us but i know can hardly remembered.
I not sure from where i am not the same person i used to be, but i swear, before i broke up with you, i am not in the relationship with other people till we broke up. I know when thinking whether we should break up that period, i do have a 2nd heart, but before i broke with you, my 2nd heart is already gone.
Actually i now regret that when we broke up, we never broke up in a peaceful manner.
I don't have any hate towards you, only guilt.
I know you somehow hate me, which is OK.
Now i feel that you are in a good relationship with one of my friend, which is good. I think she let you becoming a person who is caring.
Your action to me is now different compared to her.
I can see you are willing to do things which you are not willing to do to me.
Now i wished you can treat her even better den you treat me.
She is really a good person, even though she is not close to me now.
May both of you have a happy ending like what i am having now.
It ok that we may not be friends again but at least i know you are happy. :)
Wednesday, May 24, 2017
Just need a place to put my thoughts in
IT'S BEEN SO LONG AGAIN.
REALLY NEED A PLACE TO PLACE MY THOUGHTS.
MY HEART FEEL SO ACHY. FEELING SO DISTANCE FROM MY FRIEND. REALLY HAVE A FEELING THAT SHE IS AVOIDING ME. STILL WONDERING WHY THOUGH.
SHE CLAIM THAT SHE IS BUSY...HOWEVER, EVEN IF SHE IS BUSY, SHE HAVE TIME TO GO OUT. HAHAHA
IT JUST SO WEIRD........
WEIRD HUMAN......
REALLY NEED A PLACE TO PLACE MY THOUGHTS.
MY HEART FEEL SO ACHY. FEELING SO DISTANCE FROM MY FRIEND. REALLY HAVE A FEELING THAT SHE IS AVOIDING ME. STILL WONDERING WHY THOUGH.
SHE CLAIM THAT SHE IS BUSY...HOWEVER, EVEN IF SHE IS BUSY, SHE HAVE TIME TO GO OUT. HAHAHA
IT JUST SO WEIRD........
WEIRD HUMAN......
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Random thoughts
Having project like any other poly. Do not have much holiday either.
Kinda reject for choosing some member in group but well, what is done is done. I cant really do much either.
Have so much to say but too lazy to type out.
Much to surprise i doesnt want to complain anymore, for now i guess.
Still wondering why we a
Re in this world though, maybe i will never understand why too.
Shall continue working hard to live in this world. Maybe will learn to judge less, but still, i think it is quite impossible.
Will try not to give attitude either but still i wont go mercy on people who i dun like.
That all for my random thoughts.
Kinda reject for choosing some member in group but well, what is done is done. I cant really do much either.
Have so much to say but too lazy to type out.
Much to surprise i doesnt want to complain anymore, for now i guess.
Still wondering why we a
Re in this world though, maybe i will never understand why too.
Shall continue working hard to live in this world. Maybe will learn to judge less, but still, i think it is quite impossible.
Will try not to give attitude either but still i wont go mercy on people who i dun like.
That all for my random thoughts.
Saturday, June 28, 2014
Finally feel much comfortable, as i have finally let out all my anger. Feel much better and more relaxing. Really feeling appreciated. I have noticed that i said i feel happy, appreciate lots of time. But i really do. Compared to people who did not. Hahaha
Have a feeling to travel somewhere far, but havent made up my mind yet. Wanted to go japan the most though, but no money.
OK, Shall save money to go JAPAN!! ~~~
Have a feeling to travel somewhere far, but havent made up my mind yet. Wanted to go japan the most though, but no money.
OK, Shall save money to go JAPAN!! ~~~
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Posting for the end of sems!!
Now it CNY time...though few more days for it to end.
Project was like a never ending tasked to do. Everyday, was like project, project and project.
This was like a never ending cycle. Wake up, eat, project, project project and bath, eat, sleep. This is wat i can do for this sem. Although some project i didnt really do much.
But from the pressure from the peers, leader...it can be really stressed sometimes, especially when we are with the smart ones. It just sooo stressed!!!
Nevertheless, it goona be the study week soon. So yeah!! Just endure few more days!!! WOOOO LET'S GO!!!!
Project was like a never ending tasked to do. Everyday, was like project, project and project.
This was like a never ending cycle. Wake up, eat, project, project project and bath, eat, sleep. This is wat i can do for this sem. Although some project i didnt really do much.
But from the pressure from the peers, leader...it can be really stressed sometimes, especially when we are with the smart ones. It just sooo stressed!!!
Nevertheless, it goona be the study week soon. So yeah!! Just endure few more days!!! WOOOO LET'S GO!!!!
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Merry Chirstmas!! ^^
Merry Chirstmas everyone!! Although, it is going to end soon.
I hope everyone did enjoy their day. Although, i didn't go out, i me too, i enjoy my day, slacking at home doing nothing.
This will be a short post thought!!
So let us enjoy our day and count down to our end of Christmas. Wooohoo!
I hope everyone did enjoy their day. Although, i didn't go out, i me too, i enjoy my day, slacking at home doing nothing.
This will be a short post thought!!
So let us enjoy our day and count down to our end of Christmas. Wooohoo!
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Once a 'home'
Living in a place where i once called 'home' was a very irritating and frustrating things to do.
If i had a choice, i won't be staying in that house where i just treated it as a hotel, where it just provided me a bed, a place for me to shower.
I remember i once had a happy family when i was young. Where i was so innocent, so native and treated everyone who treated me well, as a friend/ good person. But one thing had happen and i slowly lose trust to my father and started to hate my father. I hated the thing he did to my mum, i know everything, he just assume i don;t know about it. I started to disrespect him and even don't even acknowledge him as my father until now, my thoughts are still the same. I will never forgive him what he did to my mum. NEVER!!
I know no matter what he did to my mum, is already consider a past. I really tried hard to acknowledge him as my father but i can't. I know i am a terrible person, and people who even know may say i am an unfilial but i really hate him and i don't think i will even forgive him even though, it is already the past.
I remember when my mum was still alived, whenever i went out, i always returned home early. First, is to eat my favourite mum's home cooked food. Second, is to prevent anything happen to my mum. I was so angry after i know what happen to my mum before, in the past, when she is still alive. I really hated him. I thought he have been good ever since my mum was sick, but it was not the truth until when my mum was so sick, till she had to hospitalise till she passed away, at that period of time, he had turned good. But i think this is not enough!! Therefore, partially i feeel that he is partly responsible for my mum death, even me, myself, knowing my mum condition had worsen and yet i still treated her quite bad when she still alive. Since i know, no matter what i will go to hell whe i am dead. I don't care, i just don't want to treat my father as my father again. I really wish i can just leave this pathatic hotel which so called my 'HOME', and live my own life. Maybe i will have my retribution in future, but i know i deserved it.
I really hated to stay in that house, where my father say everything belong to him etc and threaten me to sell the house etc. I now, don't even give a dam!!
If he want to sell his home, so be it. He don't want to give me the house or his money when he is dead, so be it!! I don't even give a dam!!
I will not live in the house, where he don't even trust me!! Where i have no privacy!! Where i don't feel that i am home!!!! I don't even care!! If i leave the house, whether he is dead or alive, it is none of my business!!
No matter what, i won't regard hm as my father!! I will never ever forgive him, even what he did to my mum is not my issue.
A house where you feel like a hotel, where you have no freedom, no privacy, always being threaten to have the house being sell away and have no trust, is just hell. But probably better than hell in a way.
Just wish i can leave this idiotic house as fast as possible.
If i had a choice, i won't be staying in that house where i just treated it as a hotel, where it just provided me a bed, a place for me to shower.
I remember i once had a happy family when i was young. Where i was so innocent, so native and treated everyone who treated me well, as a friend/ good person. But one thing had happen and i slowly lose trust to my father and started to hate my father. I hated the thing he did to my mum, i know everything, he just assume i don;t know about it. I started to disrespect him and even don't even acknowledge him as my father until now, my thoughts are still the same. I will never forgive him what he did to my mum. NEVER!!
I know no matter what he did to my mum, is already consider a past. I really tried hard to acknowledge him as my father but i can't. I know i am a terrible person, and people who even know may say i am an unfilial but i really hate him and i don't think i will even forgive him even though, it is already the past.
I remember when my mum was still alived, whenever i went out, i always returned home early. First, is to eat my favourite mum's home cooked food. Second, is to prevent anything happen to my mum. I was so angry after i know what happen to my mum before, in the past, when she is still alive. I really hated him. I thought he have been good ever since my mum was sick, but it was not the truth until when my mum was so sick, till she had to hospitalise till she passed away, at that period of time, he had turned good. But i think this is not enough!! Therefore, partially i feeel that he is partly responsible for my mum death, even me, myself, knowing my mum condition had worsen and yet i still treated her quite bad when she still alive. Since i know, no matter what i will go to hell whe i am dead. I don't care, i just don't want to treat my father as my father again. I really wish i can just leave this pathatic hotel which so called my 'HOME', and live my own life. Maybe i will have my retribution in future, but i know i deserved it.
I really hated to stay in that house, where my father say everything belong to him etc and threaten me to sell the house etc. I now, don't even give a dam!!
If he want to sell his home, so be it. He don't want to give me the house or his money when he is dead, so be it!! I don't even give a dam!!
I will not live in the house, where he don't even trust me!! Where i have no privacy!! Where i don't feel that i am home!!!! I don't even care!! If i leave the house, whether he is dead or alive, it is none of my business!!
No matter what, i won't regard hm as my father!! I will never ever forgive him, even what he did to my mum is not my issue.
A house where you feel like a hotel, where you have no freedom, no privacy, always being threaten to have the house being sell away and have no trust, is just hell. But probably better than hell in a way.
Just wish i can leave this idiotic house as fast as possible.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Special date: 11/12/13 where i still having test.
Today, is a special day. As i maybe once in a lifetime which has the date of 11/12/13, which made today a special day of this year december.
This special day i had, still had a head breaking test to continue, and i think most probably i can do it and get at least a passing mark.
However, looking forward to the day where all the hating exam end, where i can finally have a small little break after half of the semester have gone. After the exam, i swear i am gonna watch the movie frozen.!! i am sooo love the movie even i have oly watched the trailer and heard the song of 'let it go'. Though the song is kinda sad and lonely, but i just love it!!!
Okay!! Back on relaxing for a while before my nightmare is going to start. I can do it for this small exam!! I believe i can survive this!! :)
This special day i had, still had a head breaking test to continue, and i think most probably i can do it and get at least a passing mark.
However, looking forward to the day where all the hating exam end, where i can finally have a small little break after half of the semester have gone. After the exam, i swear i am gonna watch the movie frozen.!! i am sooo love the movie even i have oly watched the trailer and heard the song of 'let it go'. Though the song is kinda sad and lonely, but i just love it!!!
Okay!! Back on relaxing for a while before my nightmare is going to start. I can do it for this small exam!! I believe i can survive this!! :)
Saturday, December 7, 2013
A forgettful memory of this small blog
It have been months since i had logged in. This current sentence have been what i usually said when i had logged in to this blog after a few months or so. I guess i really is very LAZY to remember this blog, cause i really had no idea of this blog existence when i was busy till just now when i was free doing nothing.
I had been wanted to use this blog to typed off my unhappiness towards my life but it have been quite less actually, so i guess this might be one of the good news out of so many bad news.
I know i kept on sort of comparing life with some other of my friend just to have a topic to talk about, but i also know that i have been talking the same thing over and over again like an old old lady. haha, guess soo maybe someone will called me "gandma" hahaha
Life in school have been quite busy especially with all those 'overloading' project, but some of those project, i have just been a 'free rider'. But i am ok with it, even if i am being 'marked down'.
I also have been watching some of those 'weird people' in school doing some 'weird stuff' like attention seeking etc. To me, i have been quite tired to see those things especially those attention seeking people, it guess make me feel so like ignoring them. But hardly...
Soon, after a few days, it will be my exam...and i still haven't really bother much. Just so lazy to think about it, but i have read through some notes though.
Ok! so soon will e my short holiday for Christmas...i wonder till tat time will i still able to remember this blog or had to wait a few more month to it? haha...so long!!
I had been wanted to use this blog to typed off my unhappiness towards my life but it have been quite less actually, so i guess this might be one of the good news out of so many bad news.
I know i kept on sort of comparing life with some other of my friend just to have a topic to talk about, but i also know that i have been talking the same thing over and over again like an old old lady. haha, guess soo maybe someone will called me "gandma" hahaha
Life in school have been quite busy especially with all those 'overloading' project, but some of those project, i have just been a 'free rider'. But i am ok with it, even if i am being 'marked down'.
I also have been watching some of those 'weird people' in school doing some 'weird stuff' like attention seeking etc. To me, i have been quite tired to see those things especially those attention seeking people, it guess make me feel so like ignoring them. But hardly...
Soon, after a few days, it will be my exam...and i still haven't really bother much. Just so lazy to think about it, but i have read through some notes though.
Ok! so soon will e my short holiday for Christmas...i wonder till tat time will i still able to remember this blog or had to wait a few more month to it? haha...so long!!
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Happy chinese 7th month.
I know i was like abandon this poor little blog at a side for a very very long time. But is just that, i always forget about it. Haiz...now that i am older den before, i just feel kinda a lonely. :(
Lately, this pass few days, my house always have grasshopper. I dun noe is it my mum or just a ordinary grasshopper which brings luck, but tgis grasshopper is kinda big, and i just assume it was my mum as now is our chinese 7th month. It came ever since my birthday. And i was like talking to it for days...haha. i know i must be crazy! But if it was my mum, it must be a good talk den...haha.
I kinda feel bad for not making offering to my mum due to my laziness and my gultiness. I know i am bad, but i really have no face to go see my mum, and i noe is just an excuse but to me, i really feel ashame of myself.
But nevertheless, if the grasshopper is my mum, i really hope i can see her everyday even in my dreams. I dun care if i get confuse in dreams or reality, i just wanted to see my mum, that all. :)
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Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Complains all over
I found out that my blog is always full of complains.
Complains of people who i cant stand, complain about my life and more.
I just it is kinda boring but to me, it is a place for me to let out my feeling.
It is a place, where i can keep things secret? Or not!! Haha
At least, my friends wont be able to find out either from facebook, or twitter.
Although i know i am very bad, to talk bad things at people's back, buti rather things left unknown than having a bad relationship.
Or maybe, i just scared to be alone...that all.
Haha, but no matter what, i will always look forward to life, even though, to me it is kinda meaningless.
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Saturday, June 15, 2013
No more trips with them!
Last weekend trip at genting is totally a disaster!
I cant believe i was with them and enduring their stupid additude.
I guess i shouldnt be so considerate that i will be ruin the trip as they had ruin mine.
First day, they said meet at 6/6.30. I wake up without sleeping much, and stay at serangoon at the bus stop at 5.50. And yet, they late, so ended up i stupidly waited at the bus stop from 6.00 am to around 7.00am. Waited for around an hour or so, feel dam irritated by the latness and yet the stupid gal, gave the stupid attitude.
This is still alright, 4 middle size ppl was squeezing at the back of 5 siter car and it so cramp that i cant even sleep or eat. It took an 8hr trip to genting and it is dam freaking long. Was wondering how the driver drive want. So reached at genting around 3+.
was tired instead of hungry, feel like resting more den doing things but the stupid organiser didnt let us rest and went on eating and doing other activity which i am seriously not interested. So typically, i was being forced to do all those activity which i am not interested.
So dinner time, i am hungry but one of them dun feel like eating, so the stupid organizer say one dun eat and all dun eat. So ended up, had myself a pathatic starbuck and bread as dinner. Totally straving to hell.
Back to the hotel room, see the stupid face of the organizer feel like dam slapping her sia, so demanding that i feel like using a knife to kill her. Just put some stuff on the bed and i didnt know she was sleeping soon, so i do my stuff. And she freaking demanding!! Asking me to pack my stuff, but i am doing my stuff halfway so i asked her to wait...but she demand say now! At that moment feel like killing her sia.
So i am dam irritated by her stupid attitude, so i went out to walk a while. And to think of it, they said they booked a deluxe room and we paid 124rm for it, but wben we reached, it us just an ordinary srandard room which cayse only 55rm even at peak hour. Feel so cheated sia and we had to 4 people squeeze in the single size bed. Went back to hotel at 3am +...after bathing plainning to sleep.
My friend keep waking me up just to cimplain to me my other friend snooring. I was sleeping half way and keep getting disturb, so ended up i didnt even sleep while my friends are asleep. I was pathatically sleep at the dressing table while it is full with stuff. Oh ya!! When i was refilling water, there is no place to put the water as the dressing table was packed with things, so i put at the small table where it is beside the organizer, just telling her and she scold me: "why put here sia, cannot put other place ar?" I was freaking irritated, i told her that there wad no place to put expect there. And she was like dam happy and gave me attitude again.
The next tiring day where i still haven get my sleep yet. Was waiting for everyone to wake up so tat i can get some sleep. Since the organizer said that we had to wake up at 7am where they dun even set alarm, so ended up 8+ they are still asleep. So finally i get some sleep. I told them i am nit going to the theme park as i am deadly tired. But they keep on naggy at my ears where i am already deadly tired. So i ended nodded just to get peace.
So finally getted some sleep. Was sleeping so peacefully till 12pm+ wbere the horror stared. I was sleeping peacefully and out of sudden, i was being drag out and forced to wake up. I was dam irritated and i dun feel like waking up. I told them i was tired but they keep drag and disturb me, especially the organizer, giving me the mother like tone. For goodness sake, my mum was even better at waking me up, hearing the organizer waking me up, feel like pouring acid over her stupid mouth sia.
So once again, i was being forced to do something i dun like.
And i didnt had to eat breakfast due to them making me no appitite.
Same to dinner, they doing the same. Seriously my worst trip ever!!
When going back home, it just they same old story.
I swear!! This is the last time i will even go out with them, especially the organizer. She is a cheater, an idoit and i will never ever want to go to genting with her. Her organizing sucks like hell and no one is statisfied with her stupid planning at all. If i even go genting with them, i am sure i will be a better planner den her.
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Friday, May 10, 2013
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
I sometimes wondered is it me? Or is it my friend??
Today, during a tutorial class, my teacher had select some people to be a group leader. Each group leader can choose 3 of thier friends to be in their group. While or 2/3 of the group members will be choosen by the teacher.
Two of my friend are choosen to be the group leader. I predicted one of my friend wont choose me, as i not very close to her. That why, i had a feeling that she wont choose me to be in her group. Another of my friend, maybe not very close but still we are friend. I was wonderung that will she choose me in as we are friends, but ended up she choose other of my classmate who she is close to, and left me aside. To me, i felt like i was abandon by my clique. I was wondering where am i not good at? Of course i was angry, but i was more to dissapointed. I know my ability in work may not be as good as the others, but i always try my best.
At that time, i almost cried out. But lucky, i could hold myself. In my mind, i feel like i was outcasted by my friends. I feel that, maybe we are not even close to each other to begin with. As i am low esteem since i was young, i always don't have confidence in myself.
My friend who didn't choose me gave me a shock. I was thinking what will other people thinks about me? I am sure they won't feel pity about me, maybe even thinks that i am deserved to be like this. But i had i done to begin with. I surely dont understand.
Now to even think of it, it hurts my heart alot. All the things we have been through together and i put my trust in them, and they ended don't give a dam and kick me aside.
I really wondered is it my ability in work not as good as other people that why no one will choose me? Or is it me, who naturally being hated due to my looks? It just hurt me when i think of it. Heart which had already broken into pieces wont be the same anymore? I wonder will i be able to trust her again?
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Friday, April 19, 2013
Actually i was wondering...why some people do have secret?
I mean sometimes, what the point of having secret?? Isnt it just make you more miserable??
I know even saying it out also make no difference, but isnt it saying it out makes you feel better??
For me, i feel so "naked" at times, as most of my secret i have told my friends. I dont really have any secret with me now...but just wondering why people keep secret sometime...haha
But i guess sometimes, keeping secret sure make you feel safe...den feeling "naked". Haha...
sorry to have write some nonsense which dont even make sense... -.-
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Saturday, March 16, 2013
Miss everything
I am an only child. Don't have any siblings, friends are also limited. But i do have a great family members who loves me. Maybe, my life are way more fortunate compared to other people, as i gain more than i lost.
Maybe gods do love me. And what i did in the past made me regret.
I don't expect myself to go in the heaven when i die, i just hope that i can enjoy and have fun for now.
As i did too much "bad stuff", i deserve to go to hell, if the god say i should go hell.
I am not a Christian. I know god do exist, and maybe god really do love me. But i had lose faith in it. But still i still know that it not their fault. Losing someone is the greatest sadness i had ever gain, but still, sometime, i hope to see the person again no matter what. No matter how happy i am now, i still miss the particular someone. I wished to be with her. I wanted to be with her. But, i just cant.
I hope she can forgive me, as i noe what i said is already too late. But still i wish i could eat with her, take photo with her and talk with her. I miss everything that she does for me. Missed everything...
Just hope that time can reverse to where it is...but...i noe this is not going to happen.
Maybe gods do love me. And what i did in the past made me regret.
I don't expect myself to go in the heaven when i die, i just hope that i can enjoy and have fun for now.
As i did too much "bad stuff", i deserve to go to hell, if the god say i should go hell.
I am not a Christian. I know god do exist, and maybe god really do love me. But i had lose faith in it. But still i still know that it not their fault. Losing someone is the greatest sadness i had ever gain, but still, sometime, i hope to see the person again no matter what. No matter how happy i am now, i still miss the particular someone. I wished to be with her. I wanted to be with her. But, i just cant.
I hope she can forgive me, as i noe what i said is already too late. But still i wish i could eat with her, take photo with her and talk with her. I miss everything that she does for me. Missed everything...
Just hope that time can reverse to where it is...but...i noe this is not going to happen.
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