Miss everything

I am an only child. Don't have any siblings, friends are also limited. But i do have a great family members who loves me. Maybe, my life are way more fortunate compared to other people, as i gain more than i lost.
Maybe gods do love me. And what i did in the past made me regret.
I don't expect myself to go in the heaven when i die, i just hope that i can enjoy and have fun for now.
As i did too much "bad stuff", i deserve to go to hell, if the god say i should go hell.

I am not a Christian. I know god do exist, and maybe god really do love me. But i had lose faith in it. But still i still know that it not their fault. Losing someone is the greatest sadness i had ever gain, but still, sometime, i hope to see the person again no matter what. No matter how happy i am now, i still miss the particular someone. I wished to be with her. I wanted to be with her. But, i just cant.
I hope she can forgive me, as i noe what i said is already too late. But still i wish i could eat with her, take photo with her and talk with her. I miss everything that she does for me. Missed everything...

Just hope that time can reverse to where it is...but...i noe this is not going to happen.